This is part of an ongoing series. See the rest of the series here, along with links to other resources for supporting your family as you navigate your own child’s gender journey.
Sue
My first reaction to puberty blockers was of course freaking out. I said it before and I´ll say it again: knowing things intellectually is not the same as living them. In this case, I understand every parent who avoids thinking about the medical part of a transition and secretly wishes that none of that takes place. Poor Doctor Stewart, he must hear me even in his dreams!
“This is when we need a team of professionals working hand in hand. I´ll tell you what you need to know to ease your mind, but the technical part of blockers you´ll discuss with the expert”.
He explained that we´re not talking about surgeries or even hormonal treatment at this point, and that´s when I sighed in relief.
“You need to change the way you see things! It´s not like you´re avoiding something bad, this treatment or even in case of surgeries would benefit your kid immensely if that´s what she needs. Puberty makes adolescents freak out, and for a good reason, having the wrong puberty will give them secondary sexual characteristics that are opposite to what they want. How would you feel if you wake up tomorrow with a mustache?”
I´d freak out! I´d never leave the house, let alone see myself in another mirror.
“Exactly! Wayne Dyer kept assuring us:
WHEN YOU CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THINGS, THE THINGS YOU LOOK AT CHANGE
And it hit me! It´s so obvious, the social transition is doing a lot for Amelia, but her efforts would be wiped out when hormones hit hard. That would break her heart and send her back to her cave, away from the world, and what is worse, it could create more difficult situations like making her voice deeper, growing an Addams apple, and growing thick body hair.
All that is so difficult and painful to remove: the Addam´s apple requires surgery, which is an unnecessary risk and pain that, of course I want my kid to avoid. Hair removal is painful and requires a lot of patience, and well, she doesn´t have it now, and that´s great. The voice is tricky because it gives you away even if you look like a top model, and here you have two choices: either voice training, which is difficult, or surgery (again), which is not perfect science and offers no certain results. The timing is perfect to avoid all that! But wait…
Are blockers reversible and free of issues? I discussed that with the other Doctor, and he explained that they are only a pause button for puberty, still, some things must be considered like bone density, that has to be controlled. I didn´t like that part, but again, it is important to see the whole picture and the benefits. Any medical treatment has pros and cons to ponder, like the Doctor explained, so instead of fearing or complaining about the situation, we have to take it as it is, not as we wish it was.
Amelia
My mom freaked out when we discussed using puberty blockers, but it was nothing that a good talk with the medical team couldn´t solve… Yes! I have a medical team now! And guess what? I started blockers last week! I didn´t tell my mom so she wouldn´t freak out more, but I felt a certain vertigo too; things are moving quickly… and that´s perfectly fine but I need to adjust to every new situation.
Speaking of new situations, I discussed using the girls’ bathroom with the teacher whom I trust the most. It was a friendly conversation and she discussed it with the headmaster and the school psychologist, and then came back to me.
“It wasn´t easy, but I fought for you, and we got a partial victory”
Do tell!
“They knew about you, but they´re not sure how to handle the bathroom situation, in fact, they had mentioned it to your mom. They are scared about other parents´ reactions. But anticipating that, I had prepared something to be ahead of the game. My answer was twofold: on the one hand, we need to protect Amelia, so I propose that for the time being, she can use the teachers´ private bathroom… I could see that they were relieved, and they accepted my first request right there on the spot!”
You´re brilliant!
“Wait, I wasn´t done. I gave them the contact information of a DEI expert, so they receive proper training to handle your case. That was my second request.”
What´s DEI?
“Diversity, equity, and inclusion. And they took the piece of paper hesitantly and said that they would call him, to which my answer was: don´t worry, I already did. We need to move quickly and become the inclusive school that we say we are”.
Oh my God, I love you, Miss Richards!
“No problem, kid, but learn the lesson…”
What lesson?
“Never go to war unprepared; anticipate the objections and how to deal with them. And another thing: no one´s gonna mess with one of my students; if they mess with you, they mess with me!”.
Miss Richards became my new hero, and the best part, is that I´m doing what Dr. Stewart recommended me to do, which is to be a spider. “A spider?” You will ask. Yes, I´m building my cobweb, or rather my network of allies, so make space for Spidergirl!
Go here to read the full series.
This is part of an ongoing series. See the rest of the series here, along with links to other resources for supporting your family as you navigate your own child’s gender journey.
Sue
My first reaction to puberty blockers was of course freaking out. I said it before and I´ll say it again: knowing things intellectually is not the same as living them. In this case, I understand every parent who avoids thinking about the medical part of a transition and secretly wishes that none of that takes place. Poor Doctor Stewart, he must hear me even in his dreams!
“This is when we need a team of professionals working hand in hand. I´ll tell you what you need to know to ease your mind, but the technical part of blockers you´ll discuss with the expert”.
He explained that we´re not talking about surgeries or even hormonal treatment at this point, and that´s when I sighed in relief.
“You need to change the way you see things! It´s not like you´re avoiding something bad, this treatment or even in case of surgeries would benefit your kid immensely if that´s what she needs. Puberty makes adolescents freak out, and for a good reason, having the wrong puberty will give them secondary sexual characteristics that are opposite to what they want. How would you feel if you wake up tomorrow with a mustache?”
I´d freak out! I´d never leave the house, let alone see myself in another mirror.
“Exactly! Wayne Dyer kept assuring us:
WHEN YOU CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THINGS, THE THINGS YOU LOOK AT CHANGE
And it hit me! It´s so obvious, the social transition is doing a lot for Amelia, but her efforts would be wiped out when hormones hit hard. That would break her heart and send her back to her cave, away from the world, and what is worse, it could create more difficult situations like making her voice deeper, growing an Addams apple, and growing thick body hair.
All that is so difficult and painful to remove: the Addam´s apple requires surgery, which is an unnecessary risk and pain that, of course I want my kid to avoid. Hair removal is painful and requires a lot of patience, and well, she doesn´t have it now, and that´s great. The voice is tricky because it gives you away even if you look like a top model, and here you have two choices: either voice training, which is difficult, or surgery (again), which is not perfect science and offers no certain results. The timing is perfect to avoid all that! But wait…
Are blockers reversible and free of issues? I discussed that with the other Doctor, and he explained that they are only a pause button for puberty, still, some things must be considered like bone density, that has to be controlled. I didn´t like that part, but again, it is important to see the whole picture and the benefits. Any medical treatment has pros and cons to ponder, like the Doctor explained, so instead of fearing or complaining about the situation, we have to take it as it is, not as we wish it was.
Amelia
My mom freaked out when we discussed using puberty blockers, but it was nothing that a good talk with the medical team couldn´t solve… Yes! I have a medical team now! And guess what? I started blockers last week! I didn´t tell my mom so she wouldn´t freak out more, but I felt a certain vertigo too; things are moving quickly… and that´s perfectly fine but I need to adjust to every new situation.
Speaking of new situations, I discussed using the girls’ bathroom with the teacher whom I trust the most. It was a friendly conversation and she discussed it with the headmaster and the school psychologist, and then came back to me.
“It wasn´t easy, but I fought for you, and we got a partial victory”
Do tell!
“They knew about you, but they´re not sure how to handle the bathroom situation, in fact, they had mentioned it to your mom. They are scared about other parents´ reactions. But anticipating that, I had prepared something to be ahead of the game. My answer was twofold: on the one hand, we need to protect Amelia, so I propose that for the time being, she can use the teachers´ private bathroom… I could see that they were relieved, and they accepted my first request right there on the spot!”
You´re brilliant!
“Wait, I wasn´t done. I gave them the contact information of a DEI expert, so they receive proper training to handle your case. That was my second request.”
What´s DEI?
“Diversity, equity, and inclusion. And they took the piece of paper hesitantly and said that they would call him, to which my answer was: don´t worry, I already did. We need to move quickly and become the inclusive school that we say we are”.
Oh my God, I love you, Miss Richards!
“No problem, kid, but learn the lesson…”
What lesson?
“Never go to war unprepared; anticipate the objections and how to deal with them. And another thing: no one´s gonna mess with one of my students; if they mess with you, they mess with me!”.
Miss Richards became my new hero, and the best part, is that I´m doing what Dr. Stewart recommended me to do, which is to be a spider. “A spider?” You will ask. Yes, I´m building my cobweb, or rather my network of allies, so make space for Spidergirl!
Go here to read the full series.
